


I Used To Love Him

by Uhmkiki



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Love, Olivia Holt - History, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 12:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17867399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uhmkiki/pseuds/Uhmkiki
Summary: Ashton and Springer give up on their relationship so Ashton can become a rockstar. Just when Springer thinks she’s moving on, Ashton comes back.





	I Used To Love Him

I used to love him, he used to love me. 

 

“Just break it to him for Christ’s sake, Springer!” My best friend Hailie said as she tossed my phone back on to my bed. 

She’d just finished reading the longest text I’d ever gotten from anyone in my life. It was from a boy I’d been talking to for a few months and it hurt my heart. His name was Leo and he was literally the perfect man. Up until the moment Ashton came back into my life that is. 

 

Ashton was the first boy I had ever loved, and I thought I was over him, but all it took was seeing those hazel eyes and that smile to drag me back in. He’d left Australia to become a big rock star and I thought that was going to be the end of us for good. But I guess we never really closed the door on “us.” It was a mutual break up, both of us realizing what kind of opportunity Ashton had in front of him, and how stupid it would be for him to turn it down. And as he said when we had sat down at his dining room table, “it doesn’t mean I love you any less.” 

 

“How am I supposed to do that?!” I asked as I picked my phone up, rereading how Leo thought he’d done something wrong because I’d become distant all the sudden. 

 

Ashton had DM’d me on Instagram three weeks prior, after having very little communication with me for years. He asked me to meet up for coffee at a little cafe when he was finally back in Sydney and I thought it was going to just be friendly. But I walked in and he stood up and smiled at me and it was like everything the two of us had ever done together, all the memories and feelings, they just flooded back and took me down. 

He was a lot taller than I had remembered, but still as beautiful as ever. His dimples showed as a wide grin spread across his face, and I couldn’t help the girlish, little, bashful giggle that bubbled up inside of me. He threw his arms open as I got closer to the table and I almost didn’t want to hug him at all for the sake of staying “faithful” to Leo, even if we hadn’t defined our relationship at all. But I hugged him and was immediately hit by my favorite smell. The smell of Ashton. And the feeling of safety. Ashton was safety. 

“I missed you.” Ashton said as he leaned back on the wire chair he was sitting in with one leg stretched straight out. He still sat the same way as when we were younger. 

“I missed you too, Ash.” I said, the awkwardness suddenly setting in as I thought more about Leo. 

“I tried to call you, you know? I didn’t just leave and not try.” He said, before tucking his bottom lip under his top teeth. 

I gave him a shy smile. “I know you did. But I couldn’t handle talking to you, while not being with you. I didn’t have it in me. But I also didn’t have it in me to possibly stay with you but not have you around. It would’ve killed me.” 

“I’m back now though, and nothing has changed.” He said as he leaned forward with his elbows on the table. “I’m still as in love with you as I was the day I left, Springer.” 

I wasn’t expecting those words to leave his mouth. I wanted to say something, anything. Even an “oh.” would have sufficed. But instead I was sat across from him, my mouth agape, without a single word or noise coming to my brain. And then suddenly I found one. “Leo.”

“Leo?” He asked, brows furrowed. 

“I... um... I’m kind of talking to someone right now. His name is Leo.” I said as I scratched the back of my neck. 

“Oh.” Ashton said as he sat up straighter. “I-is it serious?” He asked. 

His face had fallen, but he was trying to keep that nonchalant attitude. He’d done this for as long as I could remember. Trying to put up a front like nothing ever bothered him, even though he knew I could see right through it. 

I shrugged. Leo and I had never really talked about how serious we wanted this to get or set a timeline for those kind of things. It just wasn’t how our relationship went. 

“We’ve only been talking for like four months. I’m not his girlfriend or anything...”

“Have you guys... you know?” Ashton asked, suddenly looking like he was about to lose all of his resolve, as he uncurled his fingers from the fist they’d previously been in. 

“No.” I said, shaking my head quickly. 

“Thank god.” Ashton breathed out quietly. 

“What do you mean, thank god?” I asked. The look on his face answered for him though. “You haven’t had sex with anyone since you left?”

“I couldn’t. I got close, but... I don’t know. I just couldn’t.” He admitted. 

We sat there in silence as millions of thoughts passed through my head. When it came to Ashton there had always been this little tug in my belly that told me he was _it._ He was _all I needed_. From the moment I met him, sitting on the stairs at school, I’d always felt like he was supposed to be in my life forever. 

I looked him over as he watched a man walking past with a dog. He had always been handsome but I’d never wanted to kiss someone’s whole face the way I wanted to kiss Ashton’s. I wanted to hold him close to me forever. And in those feelings I knew what I had to do. 

“I have to do something. Can you meet me Saturday at Church’s?” I asked as I pushed my seat in. 

“Definitely.” He said, eyebrow raised at my sudden outburst. 

“I’ll explain, I promise. I just have to do this. 12 o’clock, outside of Church’s.” 

 

“Sit him down and tell him the truth?” Hailie said incredulously. “Listen. If Leo is as good of a guy as he made himself out to be, he’ll understand. Just tell him that someone you never quite got over came back into your life and your gut is telling you that you need to try again with them.” 

 

And so that’s what I did. 

I had Leo meet me at the park down the road from my house so we could talk. 

He looked as beautiful as he always did. Blond hair pulled back into a little ponytail, perfectly groomed facial hair, a nice button down with a pair of dark denim jeans, and a tan trench coat that paired so well with the brown suede boots he always wore. In the instant I saw him sitting on a bench near a beautiful cherry blossom tree, I almost ran. I didn’t think I had the heart to hurt him. But _I had to_. I loved Ashton too much to give up on the thought of us working out. 

When he first saw me he was all smiles, but then his face fell, I assumed it was because of my facial expression. I couldn’t hide the panicked look. I’d never been okay with hurting people, even if it did benefit me. 

He went to open his mouth and I immediately cut him off. I couldn’t handle hearing him ask what was wrong. 

“I’m gonna preface this with the biggest, most sincere apology. I am so, so sorry. I didn’t know I felt like this, but I guess I’m sure now. There’s no easy way to do this, and I really don’t know how this is even going to come out at all. But I don’t really see this working out. It’s nothing you did, I just really can’t do this right now. Before you there was a boy named Ashton, and I used to _love him_. He used to love me. We go way, way back. We have _a lot_ of history. He just came back from being in a different continent for years. And I thought that I was past him. I thought I was ready to move on and leave it in the past. But I still love him. And he still loves me. It’s nothing any one did, but I guess our hearts just want more. Leo, you are _so perfect_. But he’s the perfect one _for me_ I know that you’re worth it, but something about Ashton just... gets to me. He’s all I need.” 

I took a deep breath as I looked up from my lap, half expecting him to spit right in my face. I deserved it, really. But he didn’t. 

Leo sighed heavily. “I... I kind of knew that was coming.” He admitted with a small awkward smile. “Thank you, for being truthful. I know that had to have taken a lot. I get it completely, though. There’s definitely one ex in particular that I’d drop anyone for if she came back asking to try again. I’m really glad I got to meet you and spend time with you, Springer. I hope things with Ashton work out. And if they don’t, you have my number.” He joked as a bigger smile worked it’s way across his face. 

I let out a chuckle, immediately wrapping my arms around his neck. “Thank you for being so understanding. I’m so glad we met and I really would love to stay friends.” 

“Oh, of course!” He said as he reciprocated the hug. “I’ll let you know when I’m free.” He said as he pulled away from me. 

I stood up and smiled at him again before waving goodbye and immediately heading towards Church’s restaurant. 

The minute I turned to corner, I saw Ashton sitting at a small table. He was dressed in his usual black denim jeans with a tight long sleeve black shirt on. Ge ran his hands through his hair, the mess of curls sitting on top of his head now tousled. He looked way too good and I couldn’t help the blush that creeped it’s way up my cheeks. 

I sat myself across from him before he’d even realized I was there. He smiled at me, giggling a little before asking, “Why are you smiling like that?” 

“I used to love you, you used to love me. We go way, way, way, way back. We loved like that. Now I still love you, and you still love me. We’re going to love like that.” 


End file.
